"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
It was looking like I was going to have to wait until May to have my surgery, but with luck, my doctor had a cancellation and now I am scheduled for Thursday, April 16. I was so relieved when I got the news! And now I can prepare myself for this important day.
Brayden is on Spring Break the next two weeks so we have lots of fun things planned (and some friends coming to visit from North Carolina today!). So that will be great to take my mind off of things for a while.
I did get some sad news that my grandmother (my dad's mom, Ba-chan) is suffering from lung cancer again. She is 90. It isn't looking good. So if you could pray for her comfort and peace I would appreciate that. I just hope that I can get up to the Bay Area in the coming weeks to see her before my surgery date.
I do feel some new anxiety now that I have this surgery date...and now that Ba-chan's health is failing it helps to know that I can turn to God for strength and comfort. I am so grateful that I have been able to give my burdens over to Jesus and know that He can carry my load!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I have made my decision!
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
If I have learned anything throughout this journey I have learned two very important things. First, I have learned that we are nothing without God. Whether it is in trials like disease or a loss of a job or relationship issues-- we need our Lord to lean on. AND when we have joy in our lives we need to praise Him for everything we have. And the second thing I have learned is that this disease, breast cancer, effects every woman differently. We all have different physical and emotional needs, expectations and limitations that define us. And each one of those things plays a role in what treatment options we decide are right for us.
After doing weeks (months really!) of research and prayer I have decided to have a mastectomy (unilateral). I feel like this is the best way for me to rid my body of this cancer and to move forward with peace of mind.
I wasn't feeling very optimistic about radiation treatment or the the surgical outcome of another lumpectomy. With the mastectomy I will have the lowest recurrance rate possible! And I can have reconstruction on healthy tissue (not radiated tissue if the cancer were to recur later on down the road).
I feel so blessed that God gave me direction to "be still" and think about this decision. And that He put people and things in my path to ensure that I could see that this was the right decision for me. I feel so strongly that He has lead me to this decision, and I feel so ready to have the surgery.
I don't have a date yet. I am hoping to have the surgery in mid April. But I will post the date on this blog when I know.
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for my decision! You have helped me in so many ways. I am so grateful.
"Blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!" Luke 11:28
If I have learned anything throughout this journey I have learned two very important things. First, I have learned that we are nothing without God. Whether it is in trials like disease or a loss of a job or relationship issues-- we need our Lord to lean on. AND when we have joy in our lives we need to praise Him for everything we have. And the second thing I have learned is that this disease, breast cancer, effects every woman differently. We all have different physical and emotional needs, expectations and limitations that define us. And each one of those things plays a role in what treatment options we decide are right for us.
After doing weeks (months really!) of research and prayer I have decided to have a mastectomy (unilateral). I feel like this is the best way for me to rid my body of this cancer and to move forward with peace of mind.
I wasn't feeling very optimistic about radiation treatment or the the surgical outcome of another lumpectomy. With the mastectomy I will have the lowest recurrance rate possible! And I can have reconstruction on healthy tissue (not radiated tissue if the cancer were to recur later on down the road).
I feel so blessed that God gave me direction to "be still" and think about this decision. And that He put people and things in my path to ensure that I could see that this was the right decision for me. I feel so strongly that He has lead me to this decision, and I feel so ready to have the surgery.
I don't have a date yet. I am hoping to have the surgery in mid April. But I will post the date on this blog when I know.
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for my decision! You have helped me in so many ways. I am so grateful.
"Blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!" Luke 11:28
Thursday, March 19, 2009
MRI is fine
"The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11 NLT
Just a quick posting...I had my MRI today and everything looks good per my radiation oncologist. No additional testing is necessary. So that is good news!
Just need to make my decision now. And I am feeling very close to what I think is the right decision for me.
Just a quick posting...I had my MRI today and everything looks good per my radiation oncologist. No additional testing is necessary. So that is good news!
Just need to make my decision now. And I am feeling very close to what I think is the right decision for me.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Enough research for pre-med school!
"Lead me in the right path, O LORD, or my enemies will conquer me. Tell me clearly what to do and show me which way to turn." Psalm 5:8 NLT
I have spent the better part of the past two weeks doing more research and reading and talking with survivors. I feel like I have enough knowledge to begin medical school! Yesterday we met with an oncology surgeon who also does plastic surgery reconstruction (from UCSD-- I met her at the seminar I went to a couple weeks ago). She spent a great deal of time with us-- she agreed with my diagnosis and the treatment suggestions from my current doctors. She does think I have two choices here, both of them have the their benefits and downfalls. She explained those to us. It was very helpful! She was able to explain a bit better the anatomy of the ductal system of the breast and if I have one duct that has cancerous cells in it, that that duct may affect more than one 1/4 of my breast. (think of the ductal system like a canopy of a tree). That is what my doctors were concerned about when they spoke of it being "multifocal". So even if they get a clear margin, it is likely that there is cancerous DCIS cells left over-- but radiation and/or tamoxafin will kill them. Hopefully. When DCIS recurs though, it is usually from cells leftover in the breast, not from new cells.
She also explained that with mastectomy and DCIS, it is as close to curing DCIS as they can get. There is no other breast cancer that they can cure-- really. With a mastectomy, my recurrence rate would drop to the lowest percentage rate I could get. She also walked us through what recontruction might be like IF I chose to do radiation this time, but I recur and have to do a mastectomy down the road.
All in all the meeting was very insightful.
So tomorrow I go for an MRI (with my original doctor). I undertstand that the rate of false positives are very high, so I expect that they will find "things" that may show up even though they aren't anything. But since I am "high risk" now, my normal course of treatment when I have a mammogram will be to also have an MRI, so I figured I should have one now to see what it shows. After the MRI, if they see anything, they will order an ultrasound or another needle biopsy.
I will let you know what the MRI shows.
But I am feeling closer to a decision! I just want to get through the MRI before I make it final. Then I will pray a little bit more-- and talk it over with Bryan. Once we decide I will let you all know.
Thanks for hanging in there with me. It has been a much longer process than I had imagined it would be. But I am so glad I have taken the time to really understand this disease and the options I have. And how God has wanted me to handle it.
Have a wonderful week!
I have spent the better part of the past two weeks doing more research and reading and talking with survivors. I feel like I have enough knowledge to begin medical school! Yesterday we met with an oncology surgeon who also does plastic surgery reconstruction (from UCSD-- I met her at the seminar I went to a couple weeks ago). She spent a great deal of time with us-- she agreed with my diagnosis and the treatment suggestions from my current doctors. She does think I have two choices here, both of them have the their benefits and downfalls. She explained those to us. It was very helpful! She was able to explain a bit better the anatomy of the ductal system of the breast and if I have one duct that has cancerous cells in it, that that duct may affect more than one 1/4 of my breast. (think of the ductal system like a canopy of a tree). That is what my doctors were concerned about when they spoke of it being "multifocal". So even if they get a clear margin, it is likely that there is cancerous DCIS cells left over-- but radiation and/or tamoxafin will kill them. Hopefully. When DCIS recurs though, it is usually from cells leftover in the breast, not from new cells.
She also explained that with mastectomy and DCIS, it is as close to curing DCIS as they can get. There is no other breast cancer that they can cure-- really. With a mastectomy, my recurrence rate would drop to the lowest percentage rate I could get. She also walked us through what recontruction might be like IF I chose to do radiation this time, but I recur and have to do a mastectomy down the road.
All in all the meeting was very insightful.
So tomorrow I go for an MRI (with my original doctor). I undertstand that the rate of false positives are very high, so I expect that they will find "things" that may show up even though they aren't anything. But since I am "high risk" now, my normal course of treatment when I have a mammogram will be to also have an MRI, so I figured I should have one now to see what it shows. After the MRI, if they see anything, they will order an ultrasound or another needle biopsy.
I will let you know what the MRI shows.
But I am feeling closer to a decision! I just want to get through the MRI before I make it final. Then I will pray a little bit more-- and talk it over with Bryan. Once we decide I will let you all know.
Thanks for hanging in there with me. It has been a much longer process than I had imagined it would be. But I am so glad I have taken the time to really understand this disease and the options I have. And how God has wanted me to handle it.
Have a wonderful week!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Getting 2nd opinion
"A wise man will hear and increase learning, and a man of understanding will attain wise counsel." Proverbs 1:5
After attending the UCSD seminar on breast cancer the other night, we learned a few new things and were able to meet a couple doctors and schedule some appointments to get a second opinion on my case. This will happen March 17th.
At this free seminar put on by UCSD (if you remember from my earlier blog, this is the seminar that we heard about on the radio while we were sitting in the exam room at the plastic surgeon's office) we listened to about 6 specialists speak on topics like genetic testing, imaging (mammography), radiology, surgery and oncology (chemo and hormone therapy). They spoke about some very interesting clinical trials being practiced at UCSD-- which gave us validation that this cancer center is top-notch.
I was very interested in the general surgeon, who also does plastic surgery/reconstruction. Coincidentally (or God) I was also referred to her by a friend of a friend...so I was able to speak with her during the break and decided to make an appointment to have her give me a second opinion. She did say, however, that based on what she knew of my case that the decision that I face is probably emotional and nothing more. She also mentioned that she thought I should have an MRI to see if there was more cancer in the breast (something my doctors have said would not be helpful with DCIS). I guess that is why you get 2nd opinions.
The other nugget of information we picked up at the seminar was about genetic testing. The doctor who spoke gave a statistic-- which was much higher than I expected-- she said the if you were <50 years old at diagnosis and had one relative that was also <50 at diagnosis you were 16% likely to have the BRCA gene. I have two aunts and a cousin that have had breast cancer...along with other various cancers in my family. So after speaking with her, she did say that it was likely I could carry the gene, but of course I may not. I did make an appointment to see her, but am still unsure if I want to do genetic testing.
So this was a week of education and learning. I really felt like the seminar was held at the perfect time-- for me! Exactly when I needed it. How amazing. There was only about 50 people there (in all of SD county!) and at the end of the whole thing, there were only two of us making appointments to see doctors.
So now I will continue to pray and listen for God. I will also keep educating myself as much as I can. I also want to talk to some survivors who have undergone lumpectomy with radiation at my age to see what their results have been. And hopefully that will help me pass the time until March 17th. It feels like a long time to wait for the "next surgery". But that is what I must do.
So you may not hear from me for a while. But if something comes up and I publish a new posting, I will let you know.
Thank you, as always, for your prayers.
After attending the UCSD seminar on breast cancer the other night, we learned a few new things and were able to meet a couple doctors and schedule some appointments to get a second opinion on my case. This will happen March 17th.
At this free seminar put on by UCSD (if you remember from my earlier blog, this is the seminar that we heard about on the radio while we were sitting in the exam room at the plastic surgeon's office) we listened to about 6 specialists speak on topics like genetic testing, imaging (mammography), radiology, surgery and oncology (chemo and hormone therapy). They spoke about some very interesting clinical trials being practiced at UCSD-- which gave us validation that this cancer center is top-notch.
I was very interested in the general surgeon, who also does plastic surgery/reconstruction. Coincidentally (or God) I was also referred to her by a friend of a friend...so I was able to speak with her during the break and decided to make an appointment to have her give me a second opinion. She did say, however, that based on what she knew of my case that the decision that I face is probably emotional and nothing more. She also mentioned that she thought I should have an MRI to see if there was more cancer in the breast (something my doctors have said would not be helpful with DCIS). I guess that is why you get 2nd opinions.
The other nugget of information we picked up at the seminar was about genetic testing. The doctor who spoke gave a statistic-- which was much higher than I expected-- she said the if you were <50 years old at diagnosis and had one relative that was also <50 at diagnosis you were 16% likely to have the BRCA gene. I have two aunts and a cousin that have had breast cancer...along with other various cancers in my family. So after speaking with her, she did say that it was likely I could carry the gene, but of course I may not. I did make an appointment to see her, but am still unsure if I want to do genetic testing.
So this was a week of education and learning. I really felt like the seminar was held at the perfect time-- for me! Exactly when I needed it. How amazing. There was only about 50 people there (in all of SD county!) and at the end of the whole thing, there were only two of us making appointments to see doctors.
So now I will continue to pray and listen for God. I will also keep educating myself as much as I can. I also want to talk to some survivors who have undergone lumpectomy with radiation at my age to see what their results have been. And hopefully that will help me pass the time until March 17th. It feels like a long time to wait for the "next surgery". But that is what I must do.
So you may not hear from me for a while. But if something comes up and I publish a new posting, I will let you know.
Thank you, as always, for your prayers.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The decision is still mine to make.
"For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help." Isaiah 30:18
After my case going in front of 20 some odd doctors, the decision is still mine. But I really didn't expect anything less. I guess I hoped they might come back with more of a definitive direction but the overall opinion after re-evaluating my pathology slides was that my cancer "could be multifocal" or not, and that due to my age (being young) and the size of the tumor (being small) they are offering me the option to re-excise again or have a mastectomy.
So I am headed to UCSD tomorrow night to the "Empower yourself against breast cancer" seminar. I have no idea what I will learn there, but once again I feel like God has directed me to attend this. So there must be something there for me to learn- or a doctor to meet. So we will see.
In the meanwhile, I feel very peaceful about all of this! Its actually been kinda nice not to have a doctor appointment scheduled in my calendar. And I know for non-Christians it may sound odd...but last week God clearly spoke to me and he told me to "be still" and wait on Him. There is something more to learn for me-- something more to do. I'm not sure what it is, but God knows. So its actually kind of cool knowing that God is working in my life right now, as I am blogging this, and I am excited to find out what He has in store. Of course I also want to make this big decision too. And I know that God will help me with that. So stay tuned. I will let you know what happens at the UCSD seminar. And of course, when I make my decision of which surgery I will undergo next.
I just want to share one more thing with you. I have been told by many people now that my blog has been very inspiring for them (thank you!) and that it has helped them in various ways. I shared with my bible study group this week the how amazed I am at how God uses us all to "heal" one another-- I call it a "perspective ladder". For example, last week Bryan (my husband) told me about a woman he works with who's two year old son was hospitalized for a reaction to an antibiotic. It was critical, life-threatening! All because they were treating a bacterial infection. Days went by while we prayed for this little boy and all I could think about was how grateful I was that it was me who had cancer and not my children! Miraculously this boy responded to treatment and was released from the hospital, and his mother told Bryan how grateful she was that her son didn't have leukemia like the boy next door to them in the hospital. And I bet that boys mom thinks how grateful she is that her son is alive and comes home from the hospital to be with them as much as he can...and so on and so on. So you see, no matter how much illness or disease or unemployment or divorce or whatever...God wants us all to know that we must hold firm to our faith and the things that matter most in our life (people) and be reminded always that He is our fortress in times of trouble.
My niece emailed me this verse...its perfect:
"My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Psalm 62:1-2
After my case going in front of 20 some odd doctors, the decision is still mine. But I really didn't expect anything less. I guess I hoped they might come back with more of a definitive direction but the overall opinion after re-evaluating my pathology slides was that my cancer "could be multifocal" or not, and that due to my age (being young) and the size of the tumor (being small) they are offering me the option to re-excise again or have a mastectomy.
So I am headed to UCSD tomorrow night to the "Empower yourself against breast cancer" seminar. I have no idea what I will learn there, but once again I feel like God has directed me to attend this. So there must be something there for me to learn- or a doctor to meet. So we will see.
In the meanwhile, I feel very peaceful about all of this! Its actually been kinda nice not to have a doctor appointment scheduled in my calendar. And I know for non-Christians it may sound odd...but last week God clearly spoke to me and he told me to "be still" and wait on Him. There is something more to learn for me-- something more to do. I'm not sure what it is, but God knows. So its actually kind of cool knowing that God is working in my life right now, as I am blogging this, and I am excited to find out what He has in store. Of course I also want to make this big decision too. And I know that God will help me with that. So stay tuned. I will let you know what happens at the UCSD seminar. And of course, when I make my decision of which surgery I will undergo next.
I just want to share one more thing with you. I have been told by many people now that my blog has been very inspiring for them (thank you!) and that it has helped them in various ways. I shared with my bible study group this week the how amazed I am at how God uses us all to "heal" one another-- I call it a "perspective ladder". For example, last week Bryan (my husband) told me about a woman he works with who's two year old son was hospitalized for a reaction to an antibiotic. It was critical, life-threatening! All because they were treating a bacterial infection. Days went by while we prayed for this little boy and all I could think about was how grateful I was that it was me who had cancer and not my children! Miraculously this boy responded to treatment and was released from the hospital, and his mother told Bryan how grateful she was that her son didn't have leukemia like the boy next door to them in the hospital. And I bet that boys mom thinks how grateful she is that her son is alive and comes home from the hospital to be with them as much as he can...and so on and so on. So you see, no matter how much illness or disease or unemployment or divorce or whatever...God wants us all to know that we must hold firm to our faith and the things that matter most in our life (people) and be reminded always that He is our fortress in times of trouble.
My niece emailed me this verse...its perfect:
"My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Psalm 62:1-2
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