The decision is still mine to make.

"For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help." Isaiah 30:18

After my case going in front of 20 some odd doctors, the decision is still mine. But I really didn't expect anything less. I guess I hoped they might come back with more of a definitive direction but the overall opinion after re-evaluating my pathology slides was that my cancer "could be multifocal" or not, and that due to my age (being young) and the size of the tumor (being small) they are offering me the option to re-excise again or have a mastectomy.
So I am headed to UCSD tomorrow night to the "Empower yourself against breast cancer" seminar. I have no idea what I will learn there, but once again I feel like God has directed me to attend this. So there must be something there for me to learn- or a doctor to meet. So we will see.
In the meanwhile, I feel very peaceful about all of this! Its actually been kinda nice not to have a doctor appointment scheduled in my calendar. And I know for non-Christians it may sound odd...but last week God clearly spoke to me and he told me to "be still" and wait on Him. There is something more to learn for me-- something more to do. I'm not sure what it is, but God knows. So its actually kind of cool knowing that God is working in my life right now, as I am blogging this, and I am excited to find out what He has in store. Of course I also want to make this big decision too. And I know that God will help me with that. So stay tuned. I will let you know what happens at the UCSD seminar. And of course, when I make my decision of which surgery I will undergo next.
I just want to share one more thing with you. I have been told by many people now that my blog has been very inspiring for them (thank you!) and that it has helped them in various ways. I shared with my bible study group this week the how amazed I am at how God uses us all to "heal" one another-- I call it a "perspective ladder". For example, last week Bryan (my husband) told me about a woman he works with who's two year old son was hospitalized for a reaction to an antibiotic. It was critical, life-threatening! All because they were treating a bacterial infection. Days went by while we prayed for this little boy and all I could think about was how grateful I was that it was me who had cancer and not my children! Miraculously this boy responded to treatment and was released from the hospital, and his mother told Bryan how grateful she was that her son didn't have leukemia like the boy next door to them in the hospital. And I bet that boys mom thinks how grateful she is that her son is alive and comes home from the hospital to be with them as much as he can...and so on and so on. So you see, no matter how much illness or disease or unemployment or divorce or whatever...God wants us all to know that we must hold firm to our faith and the things that matter most in our life (people) and be reminded always that He is our fortress in times of trouble.
My niece emailed me this verse...its perfect:

"My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Psalm 62:1-2