Merry Christmas & Happy 2010!-- Final Posting

"Live life with a due sense of responsibility, not as those who do not know the meaning of life but as those who do." Ephesians 5:15

I'm not sure how many people will read this posting...its been months since my last entry. October marked my "6 months cancer free" anniversary (I guess they call it that) and it made me think of this blog. A few people asked why I hadn't written any postings since my mastectomy, I guess I just felt like it was done.
Well this is the very last posting! There will be no more. My reconstruction is finished (as of September) and I had a mammogram last week and my right breast got a clean bill of health!!! So I feel healed and cancer free, still! And trying to move on from what was a very long year.
Like many of you I look forward to that moment on December 31st when we count down the seconds to 2010! I am ready to put this year behind me. It was a year of 2learning and growing. Of sadness and happiness. Of stress and anxiety...many decisions and too many trips to the doctor. But about this time last year I asked God to give me something to draw me closer to Him...I had no idea it would be breast cancer, but it was. And it did just that. For that I am grateful! And ready to continue on with my life, hoping to help others that face similar diagnosis or decisions, and praying once more for God to bring me something greater this year to bring me even closer to HIM!
May God bless you and your families this Christmas and in 2010!

I am "Cancer Free"!!

"It is the name of Jesus which, through faith in Him, has brought back the strength of this one whom you see here...that has restored this one to health." Acts 3:16 NJB

Well I consider it official now, I am cancer free! I got the pathology report back yesterday when I went to the doctor's office to have my drainage tubes removed (!) and they found no residual cancer. Which means that my treatment is over! I don't have to do radiation or chemo- which is what we expected (and prayed for) all along. So all that is left for me now is the remaining stages of the reconstruction.
Now that the drainage tubes are out I feel better. There isn't any pain, just the pressure I mentioned before. I am having some discomfort under my arm from the removal of the lymphnodes. But all in all I am getting better every day. I will see my surgeon for a post-op visit on Monday- at that time I should be released to drive again. She will also give me more insight on how she thought the surgery went and answer all the questions I have for her (since I don't remember seeing her after the surgery).
It feels great to know that the cancer part of this journey is over! And now I can focus on healing.

Feeling great!

"Giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me." Psalm 50:23

My house looks like a florist! Every day someone comes with the most amazing dinner made just for us. I have received gifts, cards, emails, phone calls, fruit baskets, and delicious treats. And to top it all off, my parents have been taking care of me 24 hours a day. God has blessed me with so many wonderful friends! Thank you all for your outpouring of love.
I am feeling great. The healing process is going much better than I imagined. There is very little pain, just a very tight feeling in my chest from where they have placed the expander (under my pectoral muscle). I am hopeful that I will get my drains taken out tomorrow! That should make me much more comfortable. I should receive my pathology report very soon which will show us if there was any remaining cancer in the tissue they removed (and what type of cancer it was).
Many of you have asked what more you can do to help me...and right now I am very well taken care of. I do have three friends who have decided to take on the challenge to walk in both the Avon and Susan B. Komen breast cancer walks on my behalf. All three of them are raising money for these very worthy causes-- so if you are interested in supporting them, please let me know and I can pass along the links to their websites.
In the meanwhile, thank you again for all of your prayers and well wishes.

I am home from the mastectomy

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; character, hope." Romans 5:3-4

The surgery went great as you probably already know because my kind neighbor, Kelly, sent out an email yesterday. But I just got home and wanted to let you all know that I am feeling great and I appreciate all of your prayers.
Of course I woke up at 2am the morning of the surgery with a migraine. It was a bad one-- and I still had it when I was admitted to the hospital.
After I checked in I went straight to radiology where they injected my with radioactive dye for the sentinal lobe biopsy. This was a simple procedure but my head was hurting so bad that I felt very yucky. As soon as it was over I couldn't wait to get upstairs in pre-op so I could have them give me something for the pain and nausea. And they did! Slowly I began to feel better. Bryan, my mom and my dad were all there with me. We waited several hours before they took my off to surgery which was around 12:45pm. I don't remember much after that.
I spent the night in the hospital where they took great care of me. I had a roommate which I thought was going to be a bummer. But in typical God fashion-- she also was a breast cancer patient who had a lumpectomy with my surgeon. AND she lives less than a mile away from me, her daughter goes to the same school as Brayden and she is friends with my neighbor who lives 3 doors down! It was nice to have her with me.
I was able to eat a regular dinner last night (although my throat was sore from the breathing tube they used) and I did sleep some last night. So with food and rest I felt good this morning (the morphine drip helped too!). At 6am the doctors came in and checked us out and said I looked well enough to go home. After occupational therapy came in and showed me some exercises I have to do they let me go home.
And here I am! Carole is here helping out with the kids, my parents are here too. And of course my wonderful husband is here taking great care of me.
I feel great, just a little pain and tightness in my chest. I have two drains- and they hurt the most.
I am so happy to have this over with and I look forward to the next several months until my full reconstruction is done.

One week to go-- Leaning on my friends!!

But Ruth said, "Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. "Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me." Ruth 1:16-17

Yesterday this verse came to me from the online daily devotional I receive. It is about Friendship...the friendship of Ruth and Naomi. The author went on to explain the relationship these two woman had-- the commitment they had to each other. That they were devoted to one another and would do anything for each other. We don't see that often in our relationships today. Not even in our marriages. But these past few weeks (and the weeks to come!) I am finding that my friends are really stepping up for me. I just had a friend fly all the way from North Carolina with her kids to come spend a few days with us. It was so wonderful to watch our kids play, go sightseeing and just sit around and have "girl time". It helped pass the time for me!! It was exactly what I needed. Another friend is taking time out of her busy life to fly down from the Bay Area the day before my surgery to come take care of our kids so that my parents can be with me at the hospital (and be free just in case something happens with my grandma). She will be here for 3 days. Another friend is coming from LA the day after my surgery just because she wants to check on me. My neighbors have coordinated carpools for my kids to get to and from school since I won't be able to drive for about 10 days. And even people I hardly know are helping me out by loaning me camisoles and pillows I will need post-surgery and offering post-surgery tips. Then there are the "walkers"!! All of you who are walking the Avon, Susan B. Komen and other cancer walks in my honor. I feel like a rockstar!

Friendship. Jesus told his disciples that there is no greater love than laying down one's life for a friend. That is how important friendship is. And I feel blessed to have such an enormous group of friends to lean.

Mastectomy set for April 16

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

It was looking like I was going to have to wait until May to have my surgery, but with luck, my doctor had a cancellation and now I am scheduled for Thursday, April 16. I was so relieved when I got the news! And now I can prepare myself for this important day.
Brayden is on Spring Break the next two weeks so we have lots of fun things planned (and some friends coming to visit from North Carolina today!). So that will be great to take my mind off of things for a while.
I did get some sad news that my grandmother (my dad's mom, Ba-chan) is suffering from lung cancer again. She is 90. It isn't looking good. So if you could pray for her comfort and peace I would appreciate that. I just hope that I can get up to the Bay Area in the coming weeks to see her before my surgery date.
I do feel some new anxiety now that I have this surgery date...and now that Ba-chan's health is failing it helps to know that I can turn to God for strength and comfort. I am so grateful that I have been able to give my burdens over to Jesus and know that He can carry my load!

I have made my decision!

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

If I have learned anything throughout this journey I have learned two very important things. First, I have learned that we are nothing without God. Whether it is in trials like disease or a loss of a job or relationship issues-- we need our Lord to lean on. AND when we have joy in our lives we need to praise Him for everything we have. And the second thing I have learned is that this disease, breast cancer, effects every woman differently. We all have different physical and emotional needs, expectations and limitations that define us. And each one of those things plays a role in what treatment options we decide are right for us.
After doing weeks (months really!) of research and prayer I have decided to have a mastectomy (unilateral). I feel like this is the best way for me to rid my body of this cancer and to move forward with peace of mind.
I wasn't feeling very optimistic about radiation treatment or the the surgical outcome of another lumpectomy. With the mastectomy I will have the lowest recurrance rate possible! And I can have reconstruction on healthy tissue (not radiated tissue if the cancer were to recur later on down the road).
I feel so blessed that God gave me direction to "be still" and think about this decision. And that He put people and things in my path to ensure that I could see that this was the right decision for me. I feel so strongly that He has lead me to this decision, and I feel so ready to have the surgery.
I don't have a date yet. I am hoping to have the surgery in mid April. But I will post the date on this blog when I know.
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for my decision! You have helped me in so many ways. I am so grateful.
"Blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!" Luke 11:28

MRI is fine

"The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11 NLT

Just a quick posting...I had my MRI today and everything looks good per my radiation oncologist. No additional testing is necessary. So that is good news!
Just need to make my decision now. And I am feeling very close to what I think is the right decision for me.

Enough research for pre-med school!

"Lead me in the right path, O LORD, or my enemies will conquer me. Tell me clearly what to do and show me which way to turn." Psalm 5:8 NLT

I have spent the better part of the past two weeks doing more research and reading and talking with survivors. I feel like I have enough knowledge to begin medical school! Yesterday we met with an oncology surgeon who also does plastic surgery reconstruction (from UCSD-- I met her at the seminar I went to a couple weeks ago). She spent a great deal of time with us-- she agreed with my diagnosis and the treatment suggestions from my current doctors. She does think I have two choices here, both of them have the their benefits and downfalls. She explained those to us. It was very helpful! She was able to explain a bit better the anatomy of the ductal system of the breast and if I have one duct that has cancerous cells in it, that that duct may affect more than one 1/4 of my breast. (think of the ductal system like a canopy of a tree). That is what my doctors were concerned about when they spoke of it being "multifocal". So even if they get a clear margin, it is likely that there is cancerous DCIS cells left over-- but radiation and/or tamoxafin will kill them. Hopefully. When DCIS recurs though, it is usually from cells leftover in the breast, not from new cells.
She also explained that with mastectomy and DCIS, it is as close to curing DCIS as they can get. There is no other breast cancer that they can cure-- really. With a mastectomy, my recurrence rate would drop to the lowest percentage rate I could get. She also walked us through what recontruction might be like IF I chose to do radiation this time, but I recur and have to do a mastectomy down the road.
All in all the meeting was very insightful.
So tomorrow I go for an MRI (with my original doctor). I undertstand that the rate of false positives are very high, so I expect that they will find "things" that may show up even though they aren't anything. But since I am "high risk" now, my normal course of treatment when I have a mammogram will be to also have an MRI, so I figured I should have one now to see what it shows. After the MRI, if they see anything, they will order an ultrasound or another needle biopsy.
I will let you know what the MRI shows.
But I am feeling closer to a decision! I just want to get through the MRI before I make it final. Then I will pray a little bit more-- and talk it over with Bryan. Once we decide I will let you all know.
Thanks for hanging in there with me. It has been a much longer process than I had imagined it would be. But I am so glad I have taken the time to really understand this disease and the options I have. And how God has wanted me to handle it.
Have a wonderful week!

Getting 2nd opinion

"A wise man will hear and increase learning, and a man of understanding will attain wise counsel." Proverbs 1:5

After attending the UCSD seminar on breast cancer the other night, we learned a few new things and were able to meet a couple doctors and schedule some appointments to get a second opinion on my case. This will happen March 17th.
At this free seminar put on by UCSD (if you remember from my earlier blog, this is the seminar that we heard about on the radio while we were sitting in the exam room at the plastic surgeon's office) we listened to about 6 specialists speak on topics like genetic testing, imaging (mammography), radiology, surgery and oncology (chemo and hormone therapy). They spoke about some very interesting clinical trials being practiced at UCSD-- which gave us validation that this cancer center is top-notch.
I was very interested in the general surgeon, who also does plastic surgery/reconstruction. Coincidentally (or God) I was also referred to her by a friend of a friend...so I was able to speak with her during the break and decided to make an appointment to have her give me a second opinion. She did say, however, that based on what she knew of my case that the decision that I face is probably emotional and nothing more. She also mentioned that she thought I should have an MRI to see if there was more cancer in the breast (something my doctors have said would not be helpful with DCIS). I guess that is why you get 2nd opinions.
The other nugget of information we picked up at the seminar was about genetic testing. The doctor who spoke gave a statistic-- which was much higher than I expected-- she said the if you were <50 years old at diagnosis and had one relative that was also <50 at diagnosis you were 16% likely to have the BRCA gene. I have two aunts and a cousin that have had breast cancer...along with other various cancers in my family. So after speaking with her, she did say that it was likely I could carry the gene, but of course I may not. I did make an appointment to see her, but am still unsure if I want to do genetic testing.
So this was a week of education and learning. I really felt like the seminar was held at the perfect time-- for me! Exactly when I needed it. How amazing. There was only about 50 people there (in all of SD county!) and at the end of the whole thing, there were only two of us making appointments to see doctors.
So now I will continue to pray and listen for God. I will also keep educating myself as much as I can. I also want to talk to some survivors who have undergone lumpectomy with radiation at my age to see what their results have been. And hopefully that will help me pass the time until March 17th. It feels like a long time to wait for the "next surgery". But that is what I must do.
So you may not hear from me for a while. But if something comes up and I publish a new posting, I will let you know.
Thank you, as always, for your prayers.

The decision is still mine to make.

"For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help." Isaiah 30:18

After my case going in front of 20 some odd doctors, the decision is still mine. But I really didn't expect anything less. I guess I hoped they might come back with more of a definitive direction but the overall opinion after re-evaluating my pathology slides was that my cancer "could be multifocal" or not, and that due to my age (being young) and the size of the tumor (being small) they are offering me the option to re-excise again or have a mastectomy.
So I am headed to UCSD tomorrow night to the "Empower yourself against breast cancer" seminar. I have no idea what I will learn there, but once again I feel like God has directed me to attend this. So there must be something there for me to learn- or a doctor to meet. So we will see.
In the meanwhile, I feel very peaceful about all of this! Its actually been kinda nice not to have a doctor appointment scheduled in my calendar. And I know for non-Christians it may sound odd...but last week God clearly spoke to me and he told me to "be still" and wait on Him. There is something more to learn for me-- something more to do. I'm not sure what it is, but God knows. So its actually kind of cool knowing that God is working in my life right now, as I am blogging this, and I am excited to find out what He has in store. Of course I also want to make this big decision too. And I know that God will help me with that. So stay tuned. I will let you know what happens at the UCSD seminar. And of course, when I make my decision of which surgery I will undergo next.
I just want to share one more thing with you. I have been told by many people now that my blog has been very inspiring for them (thank you!) and that it has helped them in various ways. I shared with my bible study group this week the how amazed I am at how God uses us all to "heal" one another-- I call it a "perspective ladder". For example, last week Bryan (my husband) told me about a woman he works with who's two year old son was hospitalized for a reaction to an antibiotic. It was critical, life-threatening! All because they were treating a bacterial infection. Days went by while we prayed for this little boy and all I could think about was how grateful I was that it was me who had cancer and not my children! Miraculously this boy responded to treatment and was released from the hospital, and his mother told Bryan how grateful she was that her son didn't have leukemia like the boy next door to them in the hospital. And I bet that boys mom thinks how grateful she is that her son is alive and comes home from the hospital to be with them as much as he can...and so on and so on. So you see, no matter how much illness or disease or unemployment or divorce or whatever...God wants us all to know that we must hold firm to our faith and the things that matter most in our life (people) and be reminded always that He is our fortress in times of trouble.
My niece emailed me this verse...its perfect:

"My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Psalm 62:1-2

My case is headed to the "council"!

"Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." Mark 11:24

Well God had been whispering in my ear "be still"...the surgeon told me yesterday "lets pause". And I knew that amidst all this chaos there was no way I could hear God's voice speak to me...I needed to take some time and talk to my doctors and maybe some other doctors too. Find out about more options and understand exactly what I needed to do next.

Well today I met with my medical oncologist and a plastic surgeon. First the plastic surgeon educated us on what a simple mastecomy would be if I chose to do it now. She also gave me hope that even if I chose to finish out this treatment with the lumpectomy and radiation, that a mastectomy in the future would not mean that I could not reconstruct my breast later on. She was very helpful.

Then we met with my oncologist who walked us through the pathology reports again. We have been trying to understand if this area of cancer they are going back in to remove is a different grouping of cancer cells than the original cells they found in my mammogram. While talking through this with the doctor, she noticed that the latest pathology report showed the cancer cells as 1.7cm big...where we were originally talking in millimeters. She was surprised to see centimeters, and thought this could be a typo. She called the pathologist and he determined that it was a typo...the cells are 1.7mm. A typo on a path report? How often does that happen?? I was so glad she caught it. Regardless, the oncologist has recommended that my case be reviewed by the "breast council" which is the team of breast cancer specialists at the hospital. Not because of the typo, but because she wants all the doctors on my case to discuss the possibility that my cancer may be microfocal (which I think means a groupings of cancer in other parts of my breast). There they will evaluate my case and determine what these cancer cells may or may not be doing, they will also decide if radiation can make a difference, and if another re-excision is the best course of treatment. This will all happen next Tuesday, March 3rd.
I feel very good that my case will be discussed among 20+ doctors. I have a feeling that God had a hand in making sure that typo occured so that this could happen! Call me crazy! But He intervenes in the most mysterious ways.
My oncologist also suggested, if we desire, to take my case to other doctors for review so that we feel good about the decision we make next. She was very empathetic with the decision I have to make. So I am off to find some other doctors. Coincidently (or God!), while we were waiting in the plastic surgeons office we heard a commercial on the radio for free seminar at UCSD's Medical Center called Empower Yourself Against Breast Cancer that is happening next Thursday. What timing!

So thank you to all of you who prayed for guidance for me and Bryan. God has his hands all over this. And He is hearing your prayers. Thank you all so very, very much.

Thank you, God for DCIS!

"I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8

Before I go to bed tonight-- I am reminded that I am not dying of this disease! Thank God. Nor am I suffering from it in any way, shape, or form. It is "only DCIS" as they said when I was diagnosed.
So even though my last posting seemed rather defeatist...I am only human, you know...I will lay down tonight smiling, knowing that God is in control! And I will thank Him for allowing me to have DCIS and nothing more. Because it could be so much worse. But it isn't...it's only DCIS!

Urgh! Here we go again.

"Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise." Jeremiah 17:14

I came home from bible study and checked the phone messages...it was the voice of my surgeon. That can never be good, right?!?! Right. I called him back immediately but he was with patients. He finally called back and gave me the news...unfortunately they didn't get a clean margin on one side of the tumor sight again! He called it a "close margin", it is 1.3mm. So it isn't a "positive margin" but it is not big enough for them to call a "clean margin" (which is 5mm). So after conferring with the radiation oncologist, they both decided that another surgery is necessary. Another surgery??? Are you kidding me?
As you can imagine I am very disappointed, but I was prepared for this. I guess! But I have some decisions to make now. They can just go in and take out more tissue in hopes they get clean margins. He sounded very positive that he would this time. Since he already has 1.3mm of clean tissue near the edge already. Or I can decide to do a simple total mastectomy. This would ensure that the cancer would be gone (duh!) and it would also eliminate the need for radiation.
I meet with my surgeon tomorrow morning (10am) to discuss all of the options-- then I will meet with my medical oncologist Thursday (4pm) to find out what she thinks.
This isn't what I had hoped for...but it is the card I have been dealt. So, I carry on! And I know that one day...one day very, very soon, I will be "cancer free"!
So, if you could, please pray for guidance for me in making this big decision I would really appreciate it.

Encore Surgery is over!

"Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

I am home and surgery #2 (my encore!) went great. Much easier than the first. The surgeon told me that I must have set a world record for the fastest patient to get a non-emergency diagnosis decision and get into surgery. (less than 24 hours). But I am glad they got it taken care of quickly. I just want to keep this going. My emotions are running high, and the faster I can get to "cancer-free" the better.
Physically I am very tired this time and the pain in my chest is more intense. The pain is deep at my chest wall, probably where they took the extra tissue. Had to resort to pain meds this time. But so far no migraine or naseaua. My mouth is extra, extra dry from all the anesthesia. But I have nurses Bryan and Kathy taking good care of me, so I am in good hands. And more meals are coming from my bible study group. I am doubly blessed.

So I continue on this race with God at my side, sometimes picking me up and carrying me. I will endure it all and in the end I will come out "cancer-free", stronger in my faith and ready to fight this pink-ribbon battle for all the other women out there who battling or will be diagnosed with this unforgiving disease.

Surgery #2 scheduled for tomorrow

Just got the call. I am set for tomorrow...February 19th at 8:30am.
I have to check in at 7:30am. Should only take 1/2 hour- I expect to be home by 10:30 if all goes well.
I will let you all know how the surgery goes. But won't have any results until next week.

Did I say "over"?

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1Thessalonians 5:16-18

Just got home from my post-op with the surgeon. The good news is they didn't find any invasive cancer! The bad news is they didn't get it all. So I have to go back in for another surgery so that he can get "clean margins". The cancer that I have is so early detected that its just microscopic cells that they are taking out. So the cells don't appear on x-ray. So when they take the tissue out, they can't x-ray them while I am in the OR to make sure they have clean margins. They have to send the tissue to pathology and look at it under a microscope.
So the surgeon will take out another 2 cm of tissue in hopes of getting what is left of the cancer cells. More good news is that I won't have to have another guide wire put in, so no chance of fainting spells!!! We will know the results a week after the surgery-- which may happen as early as tomorrow (or next Thursday depending on the availability of the surgical center). I will know later today.
Of course I was hoping they would tell me that I was "cancer free" and that we would now have to decide on radiation. But that just wasn't the case.
So we press on! And we look to God for guidance and give Him thanks for the good news so far (no invasive cancer!). We also stay focused and pray for continued healing for Bennett and the rest of my household. And for Dr. Sanford (my surgeon) to be guided by God's hands to find each and every microscopic cancer cell left in my body!
Praise the Lord!!

When it rains...it pours!

I can do all things through Christ who stengthens me. Philippians 4:13

If it didn't seem like the past week was more than I could bear...now Bennett has pink eye, 104 fever and strep throat! Brayden has his cough back (the one we can't seem to pin on his asthma or post nasal drip)-- he just coughs non stop. I hope he isn't getting sick again.
To look at the glass half full...Bryan is almost 100%, just in time to go back to work. And my wound is healing great.
Now if we could just get one itty bitty break around here and have no more illnessess. I just need a good night sleep!!

It is over-- the surgery that is!

May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you. 1 Peter 5:10

To say that I had a week from you know where is an understatement! I will try to spare you all the details here are some highlights. We came home from DisneyWorld to Bennett throwing up in the car. Everyone got sick with a cold (except me!) while we were gone, but Bryan's just wouldn't go away. He ended up at the doctor Wed for antibiotics. Tuesday Brayden got into a little trouble at school (stealing a few milks from the lunch line and poking holes in them- among other things) of course that was the day I volunteered for the "100th day of school" so I got a great conference with the teacher and Brayden after school. Lovely. So needless to say my emotions were on the rise. I had to pick my parents up from the airport that night (11pm) and...I got a ticket running a red light. One of those photo tickets, so I couldn't even talk myself out of it!! Turn the dial up on the emotions a couple more notches.
Then Wednesday morning Brayden woke up vomiting. He had the stomach flu-- totally sick all day, non-stop. I sent Bennett to gramma and grandpa's so I could focus on him. Poor baby.
I did my best to mentally prepare for my surgery Thursday morning...but as I woke Bryan up at 6:30am Thursday morning (in Brayden's room because he needed someone to sleep with him) Bryan was now completely sick with the flu (stomach and all!). Emotions on overload now!
Plan B-- gramma is taking me to surgery. Grandpa is taking Bennett to school. Brayden is staying home to take care of daddy. Is this crazy or what.
So now surgery day. I arrive calm-- or atleast that is what I was telling myself. Of course all I could think about "will Bennett go to school?". "Does mom have something to read while she waits for me?" "How is Bryan doing?" "Can Brayden manage staying home with a sick dad?" I check in. They send me down to the basement to pay my co-pay. Weird. But I do it. Then back to the surgical center. Where they take my vitals, check me in. Then they wheel me down to radiology where I am to have a guide wire placed into my left breast for the surgeon to follow to find the cancer.
I am sitting in the waiting room of "women's imaging" with my mom when a nurse (Linda) comes out and walks over to me-- no words!-- and checks my arm band to make sure I am who I say I am. Then she gets behind my wheel chair and wheels me away from my mom back to into an exam room. Still no words. Then she whispers to me that she has been sick and has no voice so she will be using words sparingly. She tells me that she will be taking a photo (like a mammogram) then will bring in the doctor (radiologist) who will insert the needle (which has a wire inside it)-- then they will take a few more photos, release the wire from the needle and we will be done.
Well it didn't go quit that easily! It wasn't the needles or the wire that made me faint three times! But for some reason the staff (Linda and Dr. Radiology) who made me feel like they weren't quit sure what they were doing. Or that I was having the procedure done with the right equipment. You see, I was sitting up at a mammography machine on a round stool with wheels. She needed me to stay perfectly still- not to move a muscle. And even though she locked the wheels of the chair, I wasn't quite confident I could do that sitting up. With my core needle biopsy I was laying on a table-- it was very easy to be still. And the equipment was all under the table so I never had to move-- they moved the equipment around ME. Not ME around the equipment. So Dr. radiology inserted the needle-- Linda takes one photo then tells me she is going to decompress the mammogram machine. She needs me to stay still-- so I don't move the needle. While she is doing this she is looking a bit concerned-- saying "oops, whoa, hold on" while trying to get the machine up and over the needle. She manages to do it. Then she tells me she is going to roll me back away from the machine while "I" have to hold my own breast (with the needle in it!) up while she shifts the machine. Well as soon as she started to roll the chair away from the machine I started to feel faint-- I told her I didn't feel well and down I went!!! Next thing I knew I was on the floor with about 3 nurses over me with very worried looks on their faces.
After trying to sit up twice I finally managed to get back up to the machine and get one more photo. Then the doctor released the needle so only the wire was left. But down I went again. No final photo.
I felt miserable. Cold. Shaking. Scared. And just wanting to get this over with. The surgical nurse was now by my side and she wheeled me (this time on a gurney) back up to the surgical center. I was ready for surgery. Or so they say I was. I still am not sure the wire was in the right spot. With all the fainting and moving I did how can they be sure the wire didn't move???
In the surgical center they finally gave me some oxygen (which I had asked for while on the floor in radiology) and that helped a lot. Then they wheeled me into surgery about 20 minutes later. I don't remember anything-- but they say the surgeon got clean margins visually. And I was home by 1pm.

Its been two days now and I am feeling great. The first night home was miserable. Just a post-op migraine and nausea with Bryan laid up with the flu. Thank God for my parents who had the kids!
I have a bit of soreness now. But nothing too painful. Just focusing now on getting the family better. And looking forward to our post-op appointment with the surgeon to get all our questions answered on if they got all the cancer.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Philippians 4: 6-7 (NLT)

We had a great vacation at DisneyWorld! It was so much fun spending time with both my parents and Bryan's parents, as well as my sister-and brother-in-law and niece. The kids had so much fun at the parks, seeing all the characters and riding rides. But mostly just being with each other. It was a trip we planned so long ago, but it ended up coming at such the perfect time. I needed the mental break and break from going to all the doctor appointments.
We arrived home Saturday afternoon. I didn't think I was feeling anxious about coming home...but was we approached San Diego I began thinking about the week ahead. And reality started to set in. Stranger yet, as we walked through the terminal I saw advertisement after advertisement for Susan B. Comen! It was crazy! I guess it was weighing heavier on my mind than I thought. Then came the migraine at 3am. I'm better now!
We met with the medical oncologist today. This was our first meeting with her. I wasn't sure what to expect for this meeting since she is the one to make decisions on chemo and hormone therapies. Neither of which I thought I would have. But she was very insightful (again!). And she will be my ongoing doctor over the next several years to make sure I stay cancer-free. She will evaluate the pathology report after my surgery this Thursday to determine the "next steps"-- which is still most likely radiation therapy.
So I off to surgery Thursday. My wonderful neighbors have planned meals for us beginning Thursday (THANK YOU!) and playdates for the kids. We continue to be so blessed by everyone around us. Thanks again for your prayers and kindness. We will post again on Friday after the surgery so you can have an update.

Surgery date set for February 12th

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer" 2 Corinthians 1:4-7

My surgery date is set for Thursday, February 12th. It will be in Rancho Bernardo and will probably happen around 11am. I am so glad they were able to fit me in so quickly after we return from our vacation. Like I mentioned before, it is an outpatient procedure, so I should be home by early afternoon. They will do another pathology on the tissue they remove. I have a post-op appointment scheduled for Wednesday, February 18th to find out those results.

My radiation will begin about 3 weeks after surgery if all goes well.

Now....off to DisneyWorld!!!

BSGI results-- Negative!

All things are possible to him who believes. Mark 9:23

I got great news today-- there are no other cancerous cells other than the calcifications they have found already! The BSGI test was negative. This solidifies the decision we have made to do the lumpectomy+radiation. We had a chance to spend some more time with the radiation oncologist this morning and he explained the radiation treatment in greater detail. I feel very good about it and I know I am in excellent hands at Scripps. They are really on the cutting edge of treatment here...and this doctor specializes in breast care so I know he is on top of all of the best ways to treat this disease.

And I had a great conversation with the kids this afternoon. I got some time to explain the situation to them but in much simplier form. I never used the words cancer or disease. I just explained that I have a "bump" that needs to be removed and then I will have to go back to the doctor often to make sure its all gone. They seemed to accept that. And I felt good with the whole thing.

So this has been a HUGE week for us. Now I can focus on DisneyWorld! We leave a week from tomorrow. I sure hope they have a spa there!

Treatment decisions

"I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds," says the LORD. Jeremiah 30:17

Well I had two great doctor appointments. I met with the radiation oncologist yesterday and the surgeon today-- both gave us lots of insight on the overall disease and treatment options. They gave us peace of mind that my calcifications (they call it a tumor, I like to call it a calcification!) are very small and should be easy to remove with clean margins. The choice I have is lumpectomy followed by radiation OR mastecomy. Recurrence for both is the same.
Because my calcification is small, this is DCIS (non invasive and intermediate stage), I'm young (so they say!) I am choosing lumpectomy/radiation. This choice also saves mastectomy as an option IF I do recur at some point in the future.
The lumpectomy sounds like a pretty simple procedure-- they insert a wire into my biopsy incision which points to the metal marker that they placed inside me when they took the biopsy. That will direct the surgeon to the location where the calcification is. Then he will go in and remove the tissue (I think I am under a light anesthesia). Then they take the tissue to the lab for a quick pathology to make sure they have clear margins. If not, the surgeon takes more...if so, they close me up with some steri-strips and send me home. The whole procedure only takes about an hour. And recovery sounds pretty easy (although I may tell Bryan that I can't cook or clean for at least a month!!).
Then about three weeks later, I would start radiation therapy (5 days a week for 7 weeks!). This should reduce my chance of recurrence-- and that is most important to me! The radiation also sounds pretty much like an x-ray. The treatments will only take about 20 minutes a day. It will take me longer to drive up and back from La Jolla every day. The exciting part is that I will get my first tattoo with the radiation treatment!!! They tattoo marks on your chest for the set-up of the scanner.

Tomorrow (Thursday) I go in for additional testing. Its a new molecular imaging test called a BSGI (Breast Specific Gamma Imaging) test. The doctors don't expect to find anything more, but this test (like an MRI but a bit better for DCIS) will show us if there is anything they aren't seeing in the mammogram. I will have the results Friday.

Now you are all asking WHEN is this all going to happen. Well I don't have a surgery date yet, but I should have one very soon. I suspect it will be around mid-February after we get home from our DisneyWorld vacation. (both doctors gave us the resounding "yes go on vacation"). I will of course let you all know when the surgery will happen. I expect the radiation to take place in March and April. And be cancer free by May!
Thanks to all of you who continue to pray for me and my family. We are seeing the answers to your prayers all the time (e.g. great doctors who are giving us more than we had hoped for in terms of their patience and understanding. Peace in the decision to have the lumpectomy and radiation treatment.) But it isn't over yet! So I ask you to please keep praying for me, Bryan, the kids, and our parents.
I love you all so much.

One Week

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Well its been a week now, hard to believe. And I still haven't seen an oncology doctor...or any doctor for that matter! But the week has been full of peace and prayer. And I am feeling great about this new journey. We still haven't told the kids yet...not sure what we will tell them. But since the cancer is at such an early stage, it seems pointless to be anything but vague so that we don't scare them. Because we all know that anytime you hear the word "cancer" its sounds scary. I just don't want Brayden to hear it from someone else. So pray for us to have the right words when it comes to talking to both of them!
I have had some great conversations with some "survivors" that have imparted lots of wisdom on me and feel very prepared for my upcoming meetings with my radiation oncologist and surgeon. It is funny how God puts people in your path that can help you during these time. I am very blessed!
So I don't have lots of news...next week will be different! But I feel God working through me every day and I am so greatful to be walking down this path.

Day Four of Diagnosis- January 13, 2009

"May God grant me, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith. And may I, being rooted and grounded in love, be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and height and depth of the love of God and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that I may be filled to all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19



Had a great appt today with the nurse coordinator at Scripps. She went over all the possibilities and gave more insight on the pathology report. Basically validated what we learned over the weekend which is that DCIS (ductal carcinoma in-situ) is non-invasive. And if you're gonna get breast cancer, this is a good one to get. In my case, the calcification is very, very small-- it might even be gone now due to the biopsy. So we will get a better understanding when we meet with the radiologist oncologist next Tuesday. Then we meet with the surgeon Wednesday. Finally I will see the medical oncologist Feb. 9th (when we return from our DisneyWorld vacation!). My parents went to the appt with me today-- I wanted them to understand that this is 100% curable and that they have nothing to worry about.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and kind words on email. I thought I would create this blog (with recommendation from Shannon and Carole's friend Andrea) to help keep you all updated-- and to keep me from having to be on email or the phone constantly. I hope it isn't too impersonal. But please know you can always call me or email me-- you don't have to reply on this blog!

Just know that I am in a very great place mentally! I feel very blessed to have this happening to me, actually. I have been praying for God to show me how to me a better wife and mom, to make me passionate about something, to learn more scripture and to learn more about Him, to witness to others/show people my faith, to heal relationships within my family--- and I wonder if this isn't answer to those prayers! I may not have chosen this exactly! But God never gives us more than we can bear, does He?

(Thanks Holly for the scripture and the card!)